Wednesday, January 10, 2024

Imposter

 

12/6/23 Green Lake Village

When I hear artists talk about feelings of doubt and lack of confidence, they occasionally use the term “imposter.” A YouTuber who often gives demos and sells drawing tutorials confessed that he sometimes has “imposter syndrome”: How could he be teaching others when he feels his own skills are lacking? I’ve heard other artists say that sharing art on social media sometimes makes them feel like they are only pretending that their work is worthy of sharing. Even those with hundreds of thousands of followers can be haunted by imposter syndrome. All of this got me thinking about what it means to be an imposter, defined as one who “pretends to be someone else in order to deceive others.”

Back in the ‘90s and early ‘00s, I worked as a marketing writer for a major high-tech company. I could go on and on about that experience – some of it good; a lot of it not – but I’ll limit myself to a particular period about a year before I left the company. I had become increasingly frustrated with management and disagreed with decisions that were being made. In a desperate attempt to reverse current business trends, my team’s vice president sent the entire team (probably more than 50 people) individually to various partners around the country to make presentations. Normally, my job wouldn’t call for this type of work, but it was an “all hands” command, and everyone was required to perform.

12/16/23 Wedgwood Starbucks

The work itself – giving presentations – caused enough anxiety, but even worse was that I didn’t believe what I was presenting. Time and again, I stood before an audience, pointing to a flipchart while saying things I didn’t believe were true – and I had to present the information persuasively, with confidence and conviction.

That’s what I call being and feeling like an imposter. (I started making plans to leave the company soon after.)

Sketching, on the other hand, is something I do that I believe is fully authentic. When I draw, I feel genuine. While jobs and other life decisions may have brought doubt or insecurity at times, drawing may be my most continually authentic act.

12/28/23 University Village


Feeling genuine when I draw is not the same as feeling like  a genuine “artist.” The latter is a term that I sometimes embrace, sometimes reject and sometimes just don’t care about one way or another (especially when others want to fit me into their slot of what an artist” should be). Making art – not “being an artist” – is the part that’s real and honest.

That must be why I have never experienced imposter syndrome about my sketches. The work may or may not be worthy of sharing, but determining that is not my problem. It is who I am on the day that I share it. That’s what authenticity feels like.

12/29/23 Maple Leaf

12/29/23 Maple Leaf neighborhood

12/31/23 Maple Leaf

11 comments:

  1. This is an excellent perspective, with lots of food for thought. I think every creative experiences "imposter syndrome" at some point or other. But it is indeed a misnomer and with art and design being such subjective and personal pursuits, this is a much nicer way to think of it. Thank you for sharing!

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  2. Gosh, what a lovely group of sketches. For some reason, the one with the row of trash cans is my favorite, but all give that slice of life feel.

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  3. Nice sketches...and I like the two with the trash cans. They are so "urban." lol I rarely think about the word imposter when it relates to my art or anyone else's. I think we all have something to share with each sketch or piece of art, good or bad. That doesn't mean any of us is more of an artist than anyone else.

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  4. “When I draw I feel genuine.” Amen! -Roy

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  5. I think the only times I have been ashamed of my art (and later wish I hadn't posted it) is when I have taken online courses and tried to make a version of the teacher's lesson. My own ideas are so much more authentically "me". Mind you, we often hear that all art is derivative? I always enjoy your urban sketches!

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    1. When we take classes and follow the instructor's style or when we copy masters, we are still learning from those experiences -- and the learning is authentic. When I share in those cases, I just mention who I am emulating or learning from, and I feel no conflict.

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  6. Thank you for this perspective!! I especially appreciated "...It is who I am on the day that I share it." I have been having lots of soul-searching about sharing on Instagram. Both the value of sharing my unartistic efforts, and the feeling from some (non-artistic) friends that I am posing for attention. This week my IG app won't "see" any current photos from my phone!! What?! Is it a sign? ;-) Anne

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