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| 11/6/25 (photo reference) |
In the deepest, darkest recesses of the attic were things
Greg had shipped here when he initially moved from the Twin Cities. First in
the basement and then later in the attic (after the attic was built, along with
the second story), the relics from his young adulthood got stored away. Other,
newer stuff piled up in front of them until eventually they were completely
concealed from view. My archaeological excavation that began a few weeks ago
finally unearthed them: Filmmaking equipment in big, heavy cases.
With an art degree in cinematography, he made numerous short films in the ‘70s with a camera that was old even back then: a Swiss-made Bolex H16 Reflex. According to Wikipedia, the model was first produced in 1956.
Hauling the leather case out, I couldn’t believe how heavy it was – more than 11 pounds! How in the world did filmmakers carry and use cameras like that? I started remembering stories he had told about all the equipment that was necessary even for a short film (and a small crew of friends just to haul it all).
The burden I felt then was not just of his history; I also felt the weight of his dream unfulfilled. He had always wanted to continue making films, but all the usual grownup barriers got in the way: The need for income; lack of time, money and space for production; lack of energy once the day job work was done.
I didn’t feel ready to get rid of the camera, but what would I do instead? I certainly didn’t want to leave it in the attic. Display it in the house (and worry about it getting dusty)? Maybe if I sketched it first, I’d feel better?
The thought I kept coming back to was that the object itself meant nothing to me. Although it was obviously a cool-looking antique, I wasn’t interested in drawing all those tiny knobs and levers. The camera was only important to me because I knew what it meant to Greg.I took the camera with me on my next visit. He recognized it immediately as he fiddled with the mechanical parts. I asked him to tell me about it, but he doesn’t articulate much anymore. It was enough for me, though, to see him hold and recognize it one last time.
It was the closure I needed. Now I can let it go.

























